And now, 3 time Daytime Emmy nominated "Ask Dr. Ninja"!
Dear Dr. Ninja,
Recently I was told that I need a fuck buddy. I have since gotten multiple offers. How do I go about choosing one? -Brainiac
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Dear Brainiac:
Ah, age-old dilemma - 'who do I bang'? You lucky Dr. Ninja is married, or else question would be answered with nunchukas! Wait, what do that mean? Even Dr. Ninja does not know! Anyway, fuck-buddy question is very big dilemma - if you throw around punani, do you lose respect? If you bang friend, and nobody around to see it, does tree still make noise? Wait, Dr. Ninja getting confused again. Dr. Ninja on vicodin right now, but it ok, Dr. Ninja still have answer. Have several answers:
1) Bang Horny Rapper. He want bang, you want bang, it like chitty chitty bang bang. Ask yourself - what is worst thing that could happen if you bang Horny Rapper? Emotional attachment, complication of relationship. Now, this going to come up sooner or later no matter what you do, unless Horny Rapper get laid soon. What best thing that could happen if you bang Horny Rapper? Great sexing. Personally, this Dr. Ninja's first choice for you. Stick with what you know. Next time you hang out, think "I could be getting mine" - see if that thought discust you. If not.....
2) Invest in adult novelty toys until "better man" come along, like Pearl Jam song. This is not as good, but avoid awkward relationship with someone - Dr. Ninja think you are considering this one.
3) Go to bar, find cute guy, get drunk. A+B=Sex. This is like playing sex lottery, however. This is 3rd choice. It good, but could have repercussions like 1812 overture.
4) Become bi-curious. Now that Dr. Ninja think about it, this is best all-around choice. Two women mean less chance of strange new direction in friendship, as women all feel same way about fb. See, women cannot have fb - sooner or later, it spawn emotional content. This why Dr. Ninja recommend going with option 4. Less chance of ruining friendship, sexier partner, more attention to your needs, and of course, at any point and time you can stop being bi-curious, and men will flock to you like nerds to Nintendo.
5) Dr. Ninja OBLIGATED to Critical, so must of course suggest Rock. Rock is like box of legos - if you put them together just right, you could have big phallic lego. Wait. Dr. Ninja mean, if you assemble right, you could have perfect man. He fixer-upper that have great potential.
Above all, be true to yourself, and tell Dr. Ninja what you choose. If option 4, please include pictures.
Ain't nothin to it but to do it,
Dr. Ninja
