Dear Dr. Ninja:
I'm a 23 year old in moderately good shape looking to get laid. Any advice?
The Horny Rapper
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Dear Horny:
I do have advice for you.
1) Stop going out with girls to places. In order to be single, you should look single. Your lady friends are smashing your game like Godzilla smash Dr. Ninja's dojo. Replace girls with male friends, preferably wingman who is not more attractive than you (but not ugly either).
2) If you go to bar, do not get all shitfaced. Not attractive. Try to get half-shitfaced, so you can put together coherent sentences.
3) Do not hunt game at bar - go to gym, or grocery store. Dr. Ninja has picked up nice cantelopes in grocery store, if you know what Dr. Ninja mean. heh heh.
4) No mean no. Pepper spray mean "hell no".
5) Stick with funny, but do not use line to meet girl. Women sense crappy line like ninja sense '2 for 1 sale' at Ninjas R Us.
6) You could go back to college. That work for Dr. Ninja.
7) Can you say fuck-buddy? Dr. Ninja thought you could.
8) Try to keep penis in pants until she asks. Or until she asleep.
9) Finally, do not look to get laid. Women have ninja-sense that detects one-night-stand desire.
10) TRUE SUPER-SECRET NINJA TRICK - DO NOT KISS ON FIRST DATE. All other advice is crap compared to this one. Now, Dr Ninja not suggest how you get first date, as court date is pending - but trust Dr. Ninja on this one. If you go out on first date, do not kiss woman....it magical trick to make woman want you, trust Dr. Ninja.
Dr. Ninja hate giving away secret ninja trick where women can see, but Dr. Ninja like you. Dr. Ninja hope to one day call you "pimpninja" - not soon though, because you ask Dr. Ninja for horny advice. For now, only Dr. Ninja can be called pimpninja, for he give advice.
3) Do not hunt game at bar - go to gym, or grocery store. Dr. Ninja has picked up nice cantelopes in grocery store, if you know what Dr. Ninja mean. heh heh.
4) No mean no. Pepper spray mean "hell no".
5) Stick with funny, but do not use line to meet girl. Women sense crappy line like ninja sense '2 for 1 sale' at Ninjas R Us.
6) You could go back to college. That work for Dr. Ninja.
7) Can you say fuck-buddy? Dr. Ninja thought you could.
8) Try to keep penis in pants until she asks. Or until she asleep.
9) Finally, do not look to get laid. Women have ninja-sense that detects one-night-stand desire.
10) TRUE SUPER-SECRET NINJA TRICK - DO NOT KISS ON FIRST DATE. All other advice is crap compared to this one. Now, Dr Ninja not suggest how you get first date, as court date is pending - but trust Dr. Ninja on this one. If you go out on first date, do not kiss woman....it magical trick to make woman want you, trust Dr. Ninja.
Dr. Ninja hate giving away secret ninja trick where women can see, but Dr. Ninja like you. Dr. Ninja hope to one day call you "pimpninja" - not soon though, because you ask Dr. Ninja for horny advice. For now, only Dr. Ninja can be called pimpninja, for he give advice.
Put your pimpfoot forward and let the other one follow,
Dr. Ninja
Dr. Ninja